The Estorica
Council Bans Spell "Summon Greater Xylophone" to the Confusion of Wider Wizarding Community
It was recently announced by the Planar Council that the relatively obscure spell "Summon Greater Xylophone" has been removed from the Council-approved list of spells and banned in Council-sponsored events. The reason for this sudden ban? Copious reports of misuse.
As most wizards know, the banning of spells is highly controversial and thus has stringent requirements. There must be a record of reports from every plane and each report must contain undeniable evidence of illegality or misuse. And even then, the Planar Council must be in total agreement on the necessity of the ban. Without a unanimous vote, the ban does not go into effect. This begs the question: what could those xylophones possibly be being used for?
It was as if nature itself was saying it shouldn't exist.
"It shouldn't be spoken of," one of the report witnesses from the Ashen Plane told our correspondents, "I can't unsee it." The witness had then confided that they were looking into lobotomy just to erase the memory.
Many of the reports submitted publicly to the Planar Council were much the same, baffling our investigative team. Find more of their findings in the full story.
Continued on page 2.
Merlin Once Again Rises From The Dead
Long-time readers will not be surprised to hear that the Great Wizard has returned, while new ones may be wonderng how this is possible.
I'm getting too old for this.
It turns out that Merlin made a mistake in his youth that has left him unable to stay dead. This last dirt nap has been the longest yet at over nine centuries long. Many of us at the Esoterica thought Merlin had finally lifted his curse. But alas, he contacted our headquarters to ask for the date not long before this issue was published. We asked him for a short interview while we had him on the line and he agreed. The full transcript is within.
Continued on page 3.
Recent Discovery in Culinary Magic
A recent study has discovered previously unknown elemental properties in completely mundane beverages.
The wizard theomenroom, credited with this discovery, states that the aspect of any drink can be determined through a series of simple qualifiers.
"When applied to drinks," they said, "'dry' means 'without sugar'. Therefore, it follows that sugary drinks can be called 'wet'. The meanings of hot and cold as it pertains to drinks are obvious."
They went on to discuss how various drinks fit into the four traditional elemental categories based on this criteria. They supposed that lemonade had the aspect of water while unadorned green tea had the aspect of fire. They were later able to prove these statements with some simple experiments. The results of these test and their other musings can be found further within.
Continued on page 5.
Deluge of Lost Familiars
Witches in the community have been complaining about their familiars wandering off and not returning. Other kinds of mages have not been affected.
Many might think this is a case of widespread neglect, perhaps due to the spread of misinformation, but most of these witches tell us that their familiar bonds are still fully intact and show no signs of strain or discontent. Instead, they believe it to be the work of some type of long-range lure magic. This, of course, is a terrifying prospect and authorities have been set to investigate the claims.
In the meantime, the Esotrica has put together a guide on how to keep your familiar safe and prevent them from falling victim to this alleged lure.
Continued on page 2.
